Hoetorious- n. (ho-tore-y-us) a gal commonly known as the quintessential whore.
i.e. Chrissy has really become hoetorious after going home with those three skeezy guys.
Has HOETORIOUS made it to the Urban Dictionary yet? If not, someone please nominate it. Where oh where do these girls come from and why oh why wont they find other ways to work out their daddy issues?
There is always one...at the office, next door, or somehow invited to the family reunion every year. The first being the least tolerable because she puts her self on display at the most unavoidable places... the copy machine, the lunch room... your husband at the office Christmas party.... Yeah... Caution do not underestimate how often you will be teamed up with her on projects. You will know fate is about to deal you a raw hand when suddenly you feel bloated, your hair is a disaster, and your outfits just havent been coming together right all week. Bam! Only hope: Get her fired by sending a racy email to the boss and CC it to his wife of 18 yrs.
The nextdoor whore is a little easier to avoid... but look for her on especially hot days to have a dirty car that needs a sponge bath. She is easy to spot in her tight white tee and boyshorts. This is the day you have the husband rework the plumbing on the side of the basement with no windows. Caution, this hoetorious neighbor always has a guy friendly dog- like a german shephard or a rott. They may look dumb (the chick I mean) but it is a very clever tactic. It's their man bait if the T & A fails. Only hope: Go through your Martha Stewart cookbook again and reopen that pit he calls a stomach for business.
The reunion whore seems innocent enough, afterall it's a picnic for christ's sake. A mere afternoon... but alas she can cause the most damage. She is like a Katy Perry song. She gets in there and stays- long after she is no longer visable. This hoetorious woman shows up with a cousin or as the date or an uncle twice removed that keeps somhow getting invites. She's young, incredibly hot, good at horseshoes and can whip up a pie that would make Sarah Lee "O" like Kim Basinger in 9 1/2 weeks. These facts lead to endless comparisons between you and her for months. The torment will cause you to plot revenge or her demise (depending on just how sick you are) all the way up until next year. Thing is, she wont be there. Then two things happen- he forgets how good she was at getting "ringers" but you never forget that your pies cannot make his toes curl. Only hope: Avoidance of any and all picnics with your significant other. Who cares if it's
Aunt Betty's last reunion before she croaks or you haven't seen long lost Uncle Bert since 93'. NOTHING is worse than finding out some hoetorious floozy can make your man's toes curl both with looks and by combining flour and butter.
Finally another case to be wary of: The hoetorious friend. Keep in mind- she is not a friend. She may have been at one point in time but alas- no longer girlfriend. Her daddy issues have caught up to her and now she is on a mission like Freddy Krugar. Lose her at all costs. Only hope: This is the girl you's have to take on a girlie cruise and then push over after being very generous with the tequila in her drinks. DO NOT LET IT GET THIS FAR. As soon as you label her hoetorious, trim the fat and cut her loose. You owe her no explanation.
Famous Hoetorious Women:
Stacy Dash
Paris Hilton
Danielle Staub
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